The final exams kept my attention away from what I was about to undergo.I studied right up until each exam, but before actually starting theexam, I would give myself just enough time to relax. But not enoughtime to drift into thinking about my upcoming operation. It wasn'ttill the last exam was over on Thursday that I allowed myself to thinkabout it. How had it happened? Did I really want it or was it the easyway out? Was it going to hurt? How badly was it going to hurt? It wasa. I had to get away, to go somewhere alone, andmasturbate. So I was a jerk off all through high school, my desire for girlswas too intense, too overwhelming to relate to one normally. Iwas sick with fear that someone would find out my secret: I stillloved to dress, it was still an escape from the expectations, thehard things you had to do to be a real boy. My secret life was aworld of lace and frills, of soft scents, and fabrics so smoothand sexy that I wanted to cry when I put them on. The. "Jen, I feel the same way. I know I shouldn't be sleeping with a married woman — indeed, I've never done this before. But I also know that you and I have something special here. Married or not, my cousin or not, I want to be with you, in each and every way possible."I didn't mention to Jen my suspicions that I was falling in love with her. That was certainly the last thing she needed to hear.We talked a bit more about the situation, not reaching any conclusions or solutions, before nestling. It was so much and I was struggling but his voice softly again said the command, “finish.” I didn’t have much choice as he held the bottle up and I gulped it down, unhappily. I hadn’t noticed that Mike was sipping his beer. He had managed to drink just a few sips and I followed Scott’s eyes to Mike’s beer. Scott then bent far over and kissed me deeply. As he did he stroked my hair softly. He looked me straight in the eyes and said, “I love you.” He then reached for the beer and Mike.
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